If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I am naked and annoyed.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize