How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
