I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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