My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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