you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
