this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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