i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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