can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
