I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
