This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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