I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
