K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
