He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
