I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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