I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize