I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
