Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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