There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
