Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
