This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
