I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
