LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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