We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
