Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
