Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
