for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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