I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
