I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
