Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
