The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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