I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
