I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
