$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
