i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
