Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
