Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
