He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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