No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I love you. Go after that dick
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
