How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize