super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
