2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
