I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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