Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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