he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
