I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
