Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
