Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Your dad touched me again.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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