I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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