She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
