so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
