Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
