I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Say something about gay babies.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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