Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
