It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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