i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
