So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize