You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize