He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize