I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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