Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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