do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
