Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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